do over

{taken the day he was born...what a face}

do you ever have one of those days where you wish you could do it over? i get those a lot...i look to the heavens and ask God desperately for a do-over card. being a mom of a fussy one brings a lot of these kind of days...

most of the time when i run into friends or meet for playdates, jacob loses his cool. it entails a shy smile at first but once he's had it, it bumps up to full screams, deep sobs and more 'give it my all' crying. being a first time mom, i am quick to make excuses saying: he's tired, he's hungry, it's nap time...i also find my cheeks turning rosy red and my body temperature rising a quick 10 degrees hotter to make me feel very uncomfortable. at times, this would imprison me at home...fearing the trek out into society. i would feel so defeated...{sigh}

these days, i let him cry it out. i do try to make it the best scenario for the little guy...fed, clean diaper, revived from a nap...but life isn't always peachy with even the best efforts. EVERYONE has bad days...a do-over kind of day. so now i embrace that my jacob is a challenging one. i do find myself raising my voice and getting frustrated because i don't know what to do. i don't know how to "fix" him...then i am gently reminded by the holy spirit of how absolutely precious and perfect my jacob is...because he was FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY made in HIS image. there is nothing wrong with jacob...he too, has his good and off days. i'm learning that he likes {more like LOVES} his alone time. he's not a fan of big, overwhelming crowds and hoards of people getting in his face invading his personal space. who would right??

right now, my little sweet pea is napping peacefully up in his room like a big boy. i already look forward to him waking up even after this OFF day and hearing his coos over the monitor. i love how he talks to his mobile friends and the thing that refreshes my soul and day are his smiles...he scrunches up his little nose and gives me the biggest gummiest, toothless smile - and this makes me forget about a do-over card that i asked for earlier. i know he accepts me for who i am...faults and all with his smile. he's teaching me how to forgive and to love unconditionally.

i am learning that this is a phase...a phase that i will look back on and miss {someday}. i will always pray that jacob will be who he was created to be.

jacob...you are created in HIS image. and always know, that Jesus loves you far greater than i ever could. i am so proud to be your mama and will love you till the ends of the earth. i love you my sweet baby...